“After 1 1/2 years of back pain, I can run, jump, climb trees and best of all; I will be able to pick up my grandkids!” On June 7, 2004, Larry Whiston, known as Still-Free, experienced God’s healing touch!

I lift my heart in worship as I yield my life to You

Lord take this broken life and remake it through and through

Caress me with Your love as You mend each shattered part

That I may be a vessel unto You…

Then:

Never before in all my living has the meaning of these words come to life as they do at this particular moment in my life! Remembering the day I first penned the lyrics of this song… I had just recently been moved to a Minimum Security Camp after three years of higher security prison beginning at the Penitentiary in Walla-Walla (Washington State Penitentiary). In prison, when you’re the new inmate in the dorm, you are supposed to be assigned to an upper bunk; It is the way things are done. After you have been there for a while, and a bottom bunk becomes available, you can submit a ‘kite’ asking for a bunk transfer. When I was moved into my new bunk assignment, the officer in charge made a huge mistake that could have cost me my life. He wrote the wrong bunk number down on the form. Since he didn’t want to rewrite the paperwork, he decided to leave it as he had incorrectly written it. I was given a bottom bunk my first day at the camp. My new cellmate (‘Cellie’) was the leader of the ‘Crips’ (A gang), and his buddy was next in line for a bottom bunk. This meant trouble, because everyone wanted to know why I was being treated so differently. My first night, nobody would even speak to me. I didn’t blame them; to be treated differently usually meant that you had done something to win the favor of the security officers (Who were considered by other inmates to be the ‘enemy’). All night, I poured out my heart before the Lord. All I wanted to do was to be God’s Vessel in every place I was sent to go. It bothered me, and at the time, I couldn’t see how God could use such a contrary situation for His Glory. Instead of being His ‘Vessel’, it appeared that I had become their ‘Stumbling Block’.

Now:

Wanting desperately to be God’s Vessel here in the West Central Neighborhood of Spokane Washington, I made a bad choice, and a disk in my back was ruptured between the region of L3 and L4. For the last year and a half, I have experienced pain unlike anything I have ever known before. To make matters worse, the next region (Between L4 and L5) had also been ruptured! I ended up in the Hospital on Sunday night with excruciating pain. The doctors shot me with a maximum dosage of morphine allowable, this, however,  didn’t even dampen the pain. Next, they decided to shoot me with something else even stronger, (I didn’t even know there was anything stronger). I don’t remember much after that, but I do know that a wonderful Brother and Friend, Maurice Smith, had driven a long way to take me to the hospital, wait there with me, pray over me, take me to the pharmacist, back to my home, and then make the long drive home (About a 45 minute drive from my house). For the next three and a half days, I was completely incoherent. I don’t remember much, except that there was a woman with what I remember was dark blonde hair. She kept coming in to check up on me. I believe it was Monday Night, the night of our Off-Broadway Outreach, (Which had to be completely taken care of by others – And, a wonderful job they did too!). On Thursday, I went to the Doctor to discover the truth of what was happening to my body. Because of the severity of the original injury, the vertebrae up and down my entire spine were degenerative. This meant that my back would NEVER get better, and that eventually, I would have to have more surgery, which could include a steel bar being attached to the vertebrae. In short, the doctor stated, “You may as well get used to the pain, because you are going to have to live with it for the rest of your life.” I then realized that I would never be able to work again. Like before when I penned these verses, it appeared that I would fail to become the Vessel God wanted me to be in the midst of a people who desperately need Him!

I lived my life in vain, as I searched the world of sin

But nothing filled that longing of my soul so deep within

Until the hidden riches of Your love had been revealed

And, made of me a vessel unto You

Then:

I was bitter, not knowing what was going to happen. I didn’t care as much about dying as I did the fact that I had become an obstacle to these men when it came to their getting to know Jesus Christ. Reflecting on the life God had taken me from; the Holy Spirit began to remind me gently, that everything I had gained in Him was far more satisfying than anything I was compelled to suffer here in this world. Even should I be called upon to suffer physically at the hands of these men who hated me, it still was a far cry better than the misery I knew of living in sin. I remembered the many lives God had already reached, and the hope He had brought into the hearts of even some of the roughest men in prison. Moreover, I remember the satisfaction of knowing that God had allowed be to be a partaker in the changes He was making in the hearts of those men! I remembered what it took for my heart to be changed. It wasn’t any great fantastic sermons or teachings; it wasn’t any wondrous words of wisdom or knowledge… No! It was the absolute experience of Love! God’s Love! Love that was there for me when I knew I deserved everything but Love! In the light of this memory, The words of this second verse were penned…

Now:

Yes, it’s true, just like when I was in prison, God had moved in the outreach. And it appeared that He still would, with or without my involvement. Was He taking me out of the picture? How could I live in pain for the rest of my life? How would I live without the ability to work? I could sense that there were some people who believed I should just ‘suck it up’ and get back to work. What would people think now? Over and over, the questions turned in my head… And, once again, I was embittered against God! Selfish Depression was quickly taking over in my heart. It was a horrible chore to do everything I knew I should do… Physically, Mentally, Emotionally… Oh, I still did the work. But, inwardly, I resented God for what He was allowing to take place in my body.

But God… sent another wonderful friend, Janny (My Partner in Ministry for many years now); I cannot tell you what exact words she spoke. But, when she spoke, I heard her say: “You act like God hasn’t done anything for you at all!” I desperately needed this stern rebuke! And, I wept because I knew she was right! I had experienced God’s perfect unconditional Love, and my name is still written in the Lamb’s Book of Life! What more could someone like me, who had been so stained by sin that even prisoners found me to be the ‘SCUM of the earth. Me, who could legitimately have been sentenced to prison for life, never to live outside the walls of prison. Yes, me, who could have been executed had I been convicted in any one of three other stated. What more could I have expected to experience? My heart began to change… And, I was becoming filled with gratitude even in the midst of my pain!

I began thinking about my good friend and Brother, Gordon Potter, who had lived so happily in Jesus Christ, though he was dying, and experiencing the rugged pain of bone cancer. Oh, how I wanted to be like him! I thought of Jesus, suffering there on the cross, having been stripped of His friends, dignity, and even His life. He could have come down off that cross anytime He wanted to. Instead, He chose to suffer so that I, in the midst of my sin, could be reconciled to God as my Father! Who was I to complain? I thought of Jeff Kuntz, Joni Erickson Tada, and a multitude of others who in the midst of their pain, made the decision to honor and glorify Jesus, content to be the vessel of His choosing! (Verses the vessel they thought would be best to honor Him). So, here I was, not even suffering what these have been compelled to suffer, and I was complaining against God for my small amount of pain… NO MORE! God, You take me where I am at… Thank you for Your Grace and Mercy… I submit to the calling of Your choosing, whatever that may be! Should I suffer for the remainder of my life, I choose to Honor You!!!

As treasure out of darkness, You remake my life anew

In secret places Lord, where I spend my time with You

It’s there You mold my life to the image of Your will

And, make of me a vessel unto You…

Then:

I began to realize, that if I never had to face difficult moments like these, I would never have become desperate enough to draw so near to Him. He had become my deepest and closest friend. Not merely my Lord, who loved me, and directed my life, but actually my friend! My life wasn’t a treasure! But He treated me as though it were! How can one explain what this can mean to someone devoid of human friendships? Ripped apart from family and friends, because of choices I myself had made, I knew I was receiving exactly what I deserved! Yet, here was God, treating me as though I were His treasure! How could I fathom such Love? I knew my Lord was molding and shaping me into the image of His choosing. I knew that in the end, He would make of me His trophy piece. A treasure out of darkness, He would remake until it was new! And, I began to understand that the process of God’s choosing was in the secret chambers of His presence! For the first time in my life, I hungered for Him, more than I did for Human Companionship and friendships! Oh, I had experienced Him many times in the darkroom of prison. But, always, my choices when I could make them, would be to spend time with people who would come my way! No longer Lord! I prayed… No! I submit to Your process. Please, let me know You more! Teach me to Love… really Love, as I’ve never known how to love before! Did it hurt? Yes! Did I run from it? No! Because He had given me the hearts desire to want to know Him!!! He who alone considered me to be a treasure!!!! Yes, A treasure out of darkness!!!! And, He was making me into a vessel… Of His choosing, a New vessel, that would one day shine for Him!!!

Now:

What a delusion I had accepted in my bitterness! Here I am in the midst of pain, living the perfect opportunity to spend time with the beloved of my Life!!! Ok, my body hurt… But, I could spend the rest of my life living for Him, Walking in His presence! I didn’t have to worry about work… I didn’t have to be concerned with anything but listening to His voice! Did you know God has a sense of humor? I believe He even loves to ‘toy’ with his children! How we have bantered back and forth through the years… What delightful moments I have shared in His presence! What child wouldn’t love to live continually in the presence of his Father? Oh, yes, we can also do this while we work and make a living in the secular world. But, God, My Best Friend, was allowing me to spend every waking moment together in His service! What an awakening to my spirit! And, how He has favored me with the people here in this neighborhood!!! Drug addicts, prostitutes, alcoholics, sex-offenders, contentious and angry men, a whole myriad of people from all walks of life! I wanted to be a vessel who shined by working hard at ministry. God was making me into a vessel of His own choosing… I still had no idea what this was… Or what it would mean toward the future! My Body hurt, but my spirit was lifted to a place somewhere far beyond the pain of my body! I began to praise and to worship Him as I had never experienced before! The Living Jesus Christ had once again applied His polish, and in submitting to his work, I knew something was about to happen… Little did I know then what He was about to do!

Then:

I had written the chorus after the first verse. However, though I sang it and hummed it over and over again, I still didn’t comprehend its meaning until this point! But, I believed I was being chosen Like Moses who had been called out, at least in my own version of the story somewhat like this:

God: “Moses, I want you to leave the house of your family, your people, and the land you have known and loved so well.”

Moses: “Where are you sending me, Lord? What will I do when I get there? How will I provide for the trip?”

God: “You don’t have to worry about these things. When the time comes, I’ll reveal to you what you are to do, and where you are to go”

Moses: “Okay, Lord. Your servant obeys.”

Quickly, I made the decision to trust Him! Whatever the path would come, I was ready to go. I knew in my heart that He would show me what to do, when, and how to do it… And He did!

The following morning, when the count was cleared and we were allowed to be up and about. An inmate came up to me and told me that the song I had written was real cool. I asked, “did I sing it out loud?” He sang the chorus to me and everyone else on the dorm joined in to prove I had! He went on to say that he had never before experienced anything as awesome as when I was writing the lyrics to that song! Others agreed, and they all decided I should do something with it…

During 4:00 PM Count, when my cellie returned from work, he said: “You sure know a lot of people here in this camp.” I responded: “I only know two people.” He returned: “Well, they all know you! They say you are straight up a Bible Thumper, but that you’re ‘real’!” I said: “Well, if people are going to say things about me, I guess that’s a pretty good thing to say.” He got quiet… After a long pause, he said: “ I tried religion once… It didn’t work.” The Holy Spirit opened up my understanding, and I shared with him his entire life from the Book of Genesis all the way through to the end on the Bible!” He responded with a sigh: “Man, if I would have known all that, I never would have quit!”

From that day onward, I began living the life God wanted me to live, regardless of whatever situation I was in… And, God shined through the Vessel of HIS Glory!!! Even the ‘Crips’ accepted me and gave me the honorary title of ‘Jesus Loc’

Now:

With the new attitude, my journey began Sunday night with the writing of a short story entitled: “Pity’s Party”. Working on Janny’s Laptop, hurting very badly but accepting the pain, I typed the entire nightlong. In the morning, I asked Janny to meet me so I could hand it off to her on her way into school. She did… and God received His glory through many of her co-workers and friends at work!!!

Next, after working around the house, a man about my age came over to the house. I was able to minister to him because of the experience God was taking me through. Had it not been for my brush with pain and discouragement, I never would have been able to reach this man. And, He wouldn’t have even come close to wanting to go home to his wife and children!

By the afternoon, I was in incredible pain, However, I didn’t want to take any pain medication, because I wanted to be coherent enough to attend the memorial service of my wonderful friend and mentor, Gordon Potter. The entire Off-Broadway group has, long considered Gordon and his wife Gerri, as our elders… Moreover, it is a designation they both richly deserve! Since I was in such incredible pain, Janny picked me up when it was time to go. When the invitation to share our thoughts concerning Gordon arrived, I struggled up to the front. Pastor John Repsold held me up while I spoke. Then, after sharing incredibly inadequate words, how much Gordon has meant to me personally, as well as to so many others, I struggled back to my seat. When I did finally sit down, the entire congregation made an audible sigh of relief. I hurt immensely, but I wouldn’t have left that service until it was over for the whole world of comfort! After the service, in the foyer, Pastor Ed Underhill and his wife Elaine, approached. Elaine too has suffered with back injuries and pain. I will never forget the comfort she spoke into my spirit! Pastor Ed, Elaine & Janny all prayed over me, With Pastor Ed speaking a Blessing over me. Then, we left for the house to prepare for the Off-Broadway Outreach! Janny went on to attend a retirement party for three co-workers, and I went home, where Maurice was already working to make ready.

The night was running smoothly, due to all the many workers God has favored our people with! Pastor Toby, who had been led to come Thursday to pray over me, was there. I rejoiced to see him, and know a special bond of friendship has been forged between us. A wonderful Brother by the name of Brian Bereiter was also there. He, Dean McCarty and I all prayed that I would be delivered of the pain, and that I would receive the Healing Jesus had won for me when He received the stripes on His back over 2000 years ago!!! And, the night went on! It was the same prayer of faith I had been believing God for during the year and a half stretch of my injury and pain… The night went on:

The children were especially roughty… Moreover, we had to ask one of our wonderful little friends to leave. It grieved our hearts, but we all knew it had to be done. However, he refused to leave. And, I was called upon to speak with him. Again, the Holy Spirit placed the words he needed to hear into my mouth, and it made a real difference. Later, he returned, and was able to rejoin our group. We learned that he had gotten into trouble at school, and was reacting because he knew he was already in trouble at home. We also learned that there is a spirit of control sweeping over our children. They make a bad choice and they get into trouble; sounds innocent enough, however, when they are punished, their family is mad at them. This leaves the child with the feeling that they have been rejected. In other words, relationship based on performance. What won this little one back was that the Holy Spirit spoke the need to reaffirm him in the midst of discipline. I said to him: “No matter what you choose to do, I am still going to love you. There isn’t anything that will ever stop my loving you. Because I love you so much, I have to ask you to leave. I want you to learn that there are consequences for the choices you decide to make. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. In fact, I Love You so much, that even though I want you to stay, I need to ask you to leave for your own benefit” Although he didn’t quite get it at that moment, he was softened, manifested tears, and we gained his cooperation. He left. When he returned, it was easy to explain it to him. This time, he did get it!!!

The night went on, and it was wonderful! I didn’t realize it then, but there was no pain in my back! I did things all night with literally no pain. I was speaking with a Minister friend, when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a little boy with a sad face, sitting alone under one of the tables. Though I wanted to continue my conversation, I sat down with the boy to encourage him.! Afterward, I stood up, addressed the crowd, spoke with a bold confidence, and authority, and then passed the microphone on to Maurice… Little did I know then what was about to take place!!!

One of our adult women has been experiencing demonic activity every night for months - Physical manifestations at her bedside to terrorize her every night. Knowing this, I asked Janny to drive this woman and me to get some coffee or something before driving her home; she agreed. We drove to a restaurant named Sheri’s, which is open 24 hours 7 days per week. Amazingly five of our leadership team, who are also experienced in this area, were there already. They didn’t know about the situation, but it had been their normal custom to go there after each Monday Night meeting. As Janny and the woman sat in their seats, I quickly and briefly shared what was going on so they could pray that the Holy Spirit would move. He did!!! In a powerful display of Love this woman had never before experienced, words were released over her that literally set her free! This woman had been living and breathing darkness for many years. And, she was exhorted to put it to an end! She never said one intelligible word. However, the voice of her grunt was nothing short of demonic. We completed what we had come to do, enjoyed our break, and then left the restaurant. Since it was getting late, we decided to have Janny return us to my house so I could drive this Woman home and Janny could return to her husband who was waiting for her to return.

Arriving at this woman’s home, I decided to come in so I could greet her mother who was waiting. Amazingly, God again was glorified in that this Mother had asked God to send my alone with her daughter because she wanted to speak with me. And, she was shocked to know that God loves her enough to make it happen!!! This Mother hadn’t asked God for anything in many years!!! Now, she knows that God indeed is a Loving God who cares about the needs of His Children!!!

Leaving at 1:15 AM, I was very tired. I was so tired, that I needed to stop because I could no longer see the road. Looking up, I saw Sheri’s Restaurant, and decided to return for some more coffee. When I stepped into the restaurant, I became wide-awake. The same waitress, who had previously served us, said: “I can’t believe you returned!” I shared with her what had happened, and we both knew that God had done yet another miracle! I had never seen this waitress before this night. However, Maurice and the others had known her for the past few months. She had been their waitress during all of this time, and had heard their discourse about the Outreach. She asked if I had time to hear her… Of course I did! It was why God had sent me there! Immediately, she broke down, disclosing an entire life of tragedy! God was again glorified… His way!!! And, the birth of what will be a new outreach was conceived: A Ministry to people with wounded spirits. She said: “It’s easy to speak about what has happened to you, but not very many people want to talk about what they themselves have done” Reassuring her, I returned: “I DO.” She asked: “Would you really? I mean all the junk?” “Yes” I assured “I’ll even go first!” “Now that,” she said “I would go to!” I know in Christ that it will indeed happen. We are given a new charge…

Returning home, I was compelled of the Spirit to write the testimony of what God had done through His Holy Spirit! Afterwards, I e-mailed the testimony, and began printing some documents for Janny, whom I was again to meet on her way to school. Having handed her the documents, I decided to go visit Maurice at the Ranch. I knew it was still early, so, I decided not to call until I was closer to his home. About five minutes away, I called asking him if he wanted to go for coffee. He had no idea I was that close and I heard a hesitation in his voice. “Well, what time” he asked. Then I revealed that I would be at his house in about three or four minutes… In short, we went to coffee, and had a bite to eat. I was so excited I shared everything the Spirit of God had been doing!!! Again, God was Honored and Glorified!

After our meeting, where we were both encouraged and strengthened, I returned with the thought of getting some sleep… I had by now been awake for over 48 hours! On the drive home, I again became tired. I stopped at a gas station, mini-mart for some coffee and to use the facilities. On parking my car, I noticed a very tall man approaching my vehicle. His demeanor was that of incredible surprise! Running to me, I noticed that he was a friend I hadn’t seen in a year and a half. He threw his arms around me and cried; “Larry, God really does love me! I Mean, He really does!” I asked him what was going on. “Larry, you don’t understand. I just finished praying, asking God how I could get in contact with you”… We prayed, shared our hearts, gave information, and went our way amazed… Again, God was Honored and Glorified… His way!

When I was yet in prison, and had seen the Transformation Video’s, The Holy Spirit seeded it into my heart that I needed to speak with the surviving wife of Julio Ruibal, the man of God who was martyred in Cali by the remaining Drug cartel before they had been removed by God. Now, I had learned that she was indeed coming to town. I didn’t really know if this was possible, However, Maurice told me to call Dan Grether, a man of God who is somewhat overseer of her visit here to Spokane, WA. I called, and the arrangement began to occur. All that remains now is the details of when and where… God made it happen!!!

Receiving a call from a friend at the Union Gospel Mission, I detoured from my trip home. While there, I shared with many of the staff, and residents who were eating their lunch. Again, God was glorified and honored… His way! Somewhere along the line of all these events, I realized that God had healed my back! Since that day, it remains healed, and I know it is healed forevermore! Before I left, a staff member told me he needed to talk. He even said the words: “I believe your being here is a Divine Appointment” I chuckled inside… This beautiful brother shared some very personal things, and I know he was set free that day!!!

Still having had no sleep, I set my heart to attend the Intercessors of Spokane meeting that evening. Again, Maurice to the rescue! Knowing I had had no sleep in four days & three nights, he made the long drive to pick me up, drive me to the meeting, where again God was Honored and Glorified… His way!!! Then he drove me out to the ranch, took away my cell phone, put me in a cabin, and I slept through the night!!!

God didn’t have to heal my back. He could have left it just the way it was. I could have remained in pain and injury for the rest of my life… I would have loved Him just the same!!! You see, it isn’t the condition of our body, the strength of our endurance, the knowledge or wisdom of our earthly understanding, nor the wealth of our pocketbook that matters. When it comes to Honor and Glory toward God, all it takes is a heart that is fully satisfied in Him! A wonderful Brother in Christ, Jerry Larson quoted from a book, (Don’t Waste Your Life”), something along these lines: “God will never be fully glorified in you, until you are fully satisfied in Him”. I cannot tell you how badly I needed to hear those words… Another divine appointment… to encapsulate the lessons the Holy Spirit has been teaching me both in and out of prison!!!

Lord, when the trump shall sound, and I stand before Your throne

In humble adoration, I shall worship You alone

For, You my Lord are worthy, and deserving of all praise

And, I am but a vessel unto You!

  Testimony by Still Free ~

I was a man who believed in the 'system' of this world. I believed that there was both 'good' and 'bad' in all aspects of living, but that overall people meant well in the things they said and did. One day, back in 1990, something happened that completely shattered this belief. I won't go into details about it, but I found myself with nothing to believe in. It was impossible to have a sense of purpose without believing in something. Anything would have been better than nothing... I began living, looking for something to appease the desire I felt inside; which was rapidly growing stronger with each new day. On the employment level, I had climbed and was climbing, the 'corporate ladder' in Hospital circles. I was known in Los Angeles by many, and had my name inscribed on many official documents. I was part of the L.A. Co. Disaster team, I had gained the notoriety of designing and implementing the HEICS (Hospital Emergency Incident Command System) System, I was a Facilities Director of a middle-sized hospital, and was responsible for Safety and Disaster of the Hospital I worked in. There were many other achievements I made, which provided my security of employment for many years to come. However, through the shooting of my gang-affiliated son, my world began to collapse. The security I counted on was nowhere near adequate to sustain any sense of fulfillment, or satisfaction in life. I became extremely self-centered and cold. I would have done, and did anything I thought would bring me joy. Eventually, I committed a class-A felony, which led to even more frustration. You see, sin may sound good at the time, but the shameful cost becomes intolerable afterward. What I didn't know, couldn't see, and had trouble accepting, was that Jesus Christ was allowing me to experience the shattering of all I once considered important. This way, I would find no alternative but to look toward Him, who loves me more than I can ever imagine. He does this because He knows that the only way I will ever be fulfilled is to discover the true satisfaction only His Love has the ability to provide.

    Through an entire series of difficult circumstances, including: Loss of employment, loss of family, homelessness, and multiple attempts at suicide, I did discover His Love for the first time. From that moment onward, my life has undergone a process of change. First, I found that I had gained the ability to care for others; not for what I would gain in loving them, but simply to love them because I really do care about what happens to them. I discovered that I actually enjoy reading the Bible; God's Love is expressed all through His Word! The Holy Spirit worked in me to turn myself in to the authorities so that I could take responsibility for the crimes I committed. Through six-years in prison, I discovered God's purpose for my life! Writing, singing, teaching, but most importantly, encouraging others! I have gained a hunger to see people who are 'stuck' in behaviors that are harmful to themselves (and others) discover the Love of Jesus, like I did. I hunger to be involved to the point that they too discover the purpose for which they were born into this world, and to assist them as they then begin to be involved in other people's lives too. When I read (and re-read) the book 'The Purpose Driven Life', I am encouraged to learn that God has taken me on a path consistent with that of other believers in Jesus Christ! Today, I no longer search to be filled... I am filled! And, I continue to be filled NEW as I live the purpose of God in me. My hope is that others too will not have to endure the path I followed in learning, but that they will read, and apply the principles outlined in God’s Word. Thank you for allowing me to share my story, and may God too allow the story of your lives to be equally as fulfilling as mine!!!